Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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