East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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