so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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