recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
