So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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