"it" just moved
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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