I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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