he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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