where am i from again
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
