what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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