he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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