Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Oh god it's open bar.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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