Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize