It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
