Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
there is glitter all over my balls
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