We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
