So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
