She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
