I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
