Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
