I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
