My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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