dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
