I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
