watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
