I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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