My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Randomize
