You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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