He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
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Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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