He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
