Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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