yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
