mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
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And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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