I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
