chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
