i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
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i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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