i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
