His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
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