Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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