Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
