NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
