Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize