everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
