you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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