So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
