He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
