he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
