If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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