I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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