Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
