yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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