I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
