the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
