I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
