You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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