Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
