If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
