one two three fourrrrnication!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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