return my video game
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
