I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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