who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
