so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
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I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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