Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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