ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Im just a social blackout drinker.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I can't put those talents on a resume
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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