party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize