Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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